Profound Truths About Women

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone - and they say something so profound, so dead-on, something that touches you in your core - that you stop what you're doing and just stand there with a stupid look on your face?

That's exactly what happened to me the other day.  I was riding in the car talking to my sister.  We were discussing why so many more women today have children without a traditional family.  They make the decision - I want a child - I want to be a mother - whether there is a husband or guy at all.   Often times, there isn't.  Modern technology makes is easier with sperm banks and other options for women to say "I'm not going to miss this - I want to experience motherhood" no matter what their relationship status.

I was just curious as to the motivation - what drives these women to make this choice? To bring children into their world?

My sister thought for second and said, "I think it's because so many women feel alone in the world."

Wow - I almost couldn't speak - I felt this phrase so powerfully in my solar plexus.

"so many women feel alone in the world."

It was one of those profound truths that just knocks you flat.   Perhaps because I felt it personally, but also because I think I tapped into some universal pain.   

Women want children in their lives so there is someone to share their lives with - someone who will take care of them - someone they can build a family with, a community with.   

And something clicked inside my little pea brain.   There is a TV commercial for Weight Watchers that I believe is brilliant.   The first time I saw it it practically jumped out at me.   The copy was so dead on - the images - but the music.......I thought the music was an odd choice - it was Cher's "Song for the Lonely".    (Yes - I am a Cher fan - I am secretly a gay man)   I thought - why would they have a song with lyrics about being lonely??

"so many women feel alone in the world"

I've talked to many women who also felt a connection with this commercial.   I do believe weight watchers went right past "look better in a bathing suit" to a much more deeper universal truth - overweight women feel shunned - they feel unaccepted - they feel lonely. 

The commercial starts out with shots of individual women, but then starts to include groups of women as it goes on - sending the message - at weight watchers - you are not alone - there are others just like you with the same fears, challenges, humiliations.

What are the universal truths for your audience?  Are you making the extra effort to find out what their greatest dreams are, and what their deepest fears are?  Is there something you can do to help women feel a little less alone?   Can you convey that message powerfully?    I bet you'll be amazed by the response.

Comments

[Tammy Lenski]

Holly, this post really left me thinking! In my work, I hear so many women express concern about confronting or engaging the important conflicts in their home or work lives, fearing that the act of confronting will damage the relationship. Ironically, not confronting, in many instances, has more potential to damage the relationship in the long run. As I read your post, I found myself wondering if what you describe contributes to this fear. I appreciate the food for thought.

[Heather Buchanan]

I hope I get most preferred reader status as your sister which is probably only slightly less impressive than mother status. Thank you for stopping and making us both think about this statement. You also hit on another important point about a community of women and its importance. So often in advertising the goal of a woman is to get a man but men come and go and good girlfriends are forever. Any marketer who doesn't realize this probably still thinks that book groups are about books. Thanks for your continued inspiration to me - girlfriend!

[Howard Kaplan]

Holly, wow, you've stopped me dead. in. my. tracks. As one of the "not necessarily genetically predisposed to empathy" kinda guys in the office, this was beyond insightful.

You and I have often talked about the ultra-competitive women; those taking the world by storm, breaking through glass ceilings, and rising head and shoulders above their male counterparts. I've often had trouble understanding the "lack of completeness" they often feel upon reaching what was originally their chosen finish line.

Considering this underlying motivation, this need to be part of something- I can't help but ask (and I realize the overwhelming male solipsism involved in simply voicing the question):

What role do men play in furthering this sense of loneliness?

Do "we" actually ever let "you" in the club?

Should "we" be held accountable for anything (as if "you" need our help)?

Is ignorance truly bliss?

[Mary Schmidt]

Holly - I'm a Cher fan too. And, your sister definitely made a point.

My follow-on question would be: If men could have children on their own, would they? Loneliness is - after all - a human condition, not just restricted to one gender or group. Hmmm. I'm think it's safe to say that - at the very minimum - global politics and social interactions would be very different if men could have children!

[April]

I'm very lucky to have found this post this morning.
It has confirmed my motivation for creating a virtual volleyball mentoring community. Thank you so much for such great advice.

[Lp]

If men could have children, would this even be an issue? Concept of motherhood and family would change entirely - and once that changes so does initial idea of loneliness. I'd argue loneliness is derived from a need to belong, and if the fore-most basic association among beings (the family) is comprimised by the ability for men to produce children (just as women), then there would be no need for the family in the first place. Which means no need for a partner, no need to belong, thus no such thing as loneliness. Or Not.
But then again none of this matters.
The only scenario that makes a comment like this: "global politics and social interactions would be very different", seem thought-proviking is one involving sudden change. As in all of a sudden ONE day, men gain the ability to bare children (and I use the word "Gain" very loosely), and once such an unforseen radical concept is applied to today's norms (which are based on the simple presupposed idea that men cannot produce children), of course "global politics" and "social interactions" would change, everything would, everything.

[Stacy Klem]

I could not agree more with Valentyn's comment, there seems to be a big difference between women and the internet and men and the internet. Women seem to be much less concerned about the glory.

[Stacy Klem]

I could not agree more with Valentyn's comment, there seems to be a big difference between women and the internet and men and the internet. Women seem to be much less concerned about the glory.

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[Krystian]

All those screaming fans catreinly did help. Its amazing how much energy they can give you. Im sad to hear that you didnt change your mind about future marathons, but Im very happy that you were able to have fun with this one and go out on a good note. Oh, and, good job not getting the jacket those things are obnoxious.

[Miryam]

He tied a couple of tgnhis the GOP wanted to this bill such as reduce the cut to the doctors on Medicare and then demands that they vote for the billions to help out the unions and states like CA. We helped out CA once and what happened? They ran up their deficiet again, expecting to be bailed out again. And the people then insisted it would never happen. Right.

[Jazmin]

Well, you know, I'm a Jewish woman who up to a certain point *mostly* dated Jewish men.What I found is that many Jewish men have extlacy the same requirements of Jewish women that Jewish women have of Jewish men!! Jewish men who want jewish women, want a type-A personality just as much as Jewish women want one. It's a culture-wide expectation and neither gender is spared. The ones who don't want the stereotypical Jewish personality don't even go out with jews to begin with.I don't particularly care if the man is a doctor, lawyer or bricklayer but I will tell you that I have worked ordinary jobs, am in school later in life in an artistic major, am not a doctor or lawyer I can't tell you how many times I've been grilled by a Jewish guy's family about my upbringing (which was poor!). Nobody else would have the nerve, and these guys *never* stood up for me.At this point in my life, I only want to be with another Jew, and I can only hope that there's a normal person out there who's open to meeting a Jewess who happens to also be a normal person .

[Daniel]

Kelly Moore,I doubt it also--I used to think that ant-Semitism was rare (stupid me) but I find that many among the intellectual class to be the most anti-semitic. One day I was in a car with a juranolist who berated Israel and the US and did not realize I was Jewish. She looked rather surprised when I told her but it was already too late, she had revealed to me her true feelings. She fathomed herself a champion of Human Rights, hardly realizing that she sided with the enemy--both of the US and to the Jewish people. Her views are very common, especially among the elite and that is very scary to me.