Negativity In the Workplace

We've all been there - worked in a negative work environment, whether it involved a difficult co-worker or a bad boss.   What do you do in those circumstances?   

Author Paula Renaye has a new book out called The Hard-Line Self Help Handbook. She tackles a lot of tough issues.  The following is her take on workplace negativity. 

I think three of her most important points are:

1. Take responsibility for your attitude.  Just because others are negative doesn't mean you need to join in.  This is especially important for women.  Focus on what you can do vs. what you can't.
2. Own your choice.   If it's that bad, find a way out. I know the job market is tough right now, but discreetly explore options to try to find a way out.
3. Own your actions.   If you're  a manager and your employees are all negative, look at yourself and your role.  Be willing to accept feedback.

OK Paula - take it away.

Office Politics Self Help—10 Ways to soar like an eagle even if you’re working with turkeys

By Paula Renaye

Working environments are interesting little microcosms of life with relationships that function—or don’t—from the top down.

I once worked as a subcontractor for man who owned a small consulting company. He often complained that he just couldn't get ahead because of all the dumb people messing things up for him. His great ideas and big deals would work if everyone would just do things his way.

One day, when another of his “deals” had gone awry, he commented to me that it was hard to soar like an eagle when you were surrounded by turkeys. I thought about it for a moment and then suggested that whether you were an eagle or a turkey was simply a matter of perspective—that maybe we were all somebody’s turkey.

That went over about as well as you’d think it would, but I had to say it. I’d watched him sabotage deal after deal—partnership after partnership—and it was affecting my livelihood as well. I’d worked Steps 1 through 9 below and my time there was up. I could no longer do enough damage control to make things okay. While I tried to keep him on a positive track in one area, he was busy bullying and belittling all the “turkeys” in another, and shot himself in the foot at every turn. And he absolutely refused to see his role in any of it.

A friend of mine, who does corporate leadership and human interaction consulting and training for companies of all sizes, told me about a man who called him in because of the negative atmosphere in his company. Production was down, employees were squabbling and he wanted things fixed. Needless to say, it didn’t take my friend long to find the problem—and it wasn’t the turkeys. Obviously, the last thing the would-be eagle wanted to hear was that he had to change.

Whether at work or at home, we can all fall into the trap of thinking everyone else is the problem. When we’re not happy with ourselves and our own life choices, the first place we’ll let ourselves see it is in what others are doing. And that can lead to “if only” thinking. If only they were (fill in the blank), I would be fine. When in reality, if we changed our own ways of acting and reacting, our flock would automatically change too. Yes, leadership—positive, effective or otherwise—creates the culture that everyone who works there must deal with.

So, if you’re struggling to keep from being swallowed alive by a negative environment, here are 10 things to keep in mind:

1.    No One-Downing: Regardless of who starts it—yes, even the boss—don’t buy in to the negativity and focus on the bad stuff. That doesn’t mean you bury your head in the sand and ignore problems, it just means you choose how you address them—preferably with a focus on effective solutions rather than ineffective whining, blaming and shaming. And, if all else fails, follow Mom’s advice: if you can’t say anything good, don’t say anything at all.

2.    Spin It, Sunshine: Since you’re not buying a ticket on the one-downer train, be the voice of reason and put a positive spin on a negative situation. Doing that in a way that the people on the dark side won’t feel attacked or think they’re being called “wrong” is much easier said than done, but that’s the goal. And generally, if you praise the most negative person (probably the boss) first in some way—and somehow make your great idea for a solution sound like his—you may be able to turn the tide on the whole situation.

3.    Make the Boss Look Good: This can go against the grain with a lot of folks—including me—but if you’ll do it, you’ll get what you really want, which is a more peaceful work environment. And, who knows, you may even make an ally of the boss where your positive attitude might rub off. Still, don’t get too chummy…

4.    Be Friendly, Not Friends: Too much personal sharing can make awkward working conditions, particularly in the case of boss/employee or if the balance of power shifts from peer/peer to boss/subordinate. Sure, the workplace is a handy place to meet friends, but use caution. Befriending someone for corporate ladder climbing may be done all the time, but it isn’t honest. Either you truly enjoy someone’s company or you don’t--go with that. You really do become who your friends are, so if you’re hanging out to get ahead, you might not like who you ultimately become.

5.    Stop the Gossip: Whether it is about a person or the state of the company, just don’t do it—it helps nothing. To quote my friend Tom Chenault, a financial talk show host, successful businessman and mentor to many, “Gossip is cancer. Try this. Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? If it's not all three...don’t say it!” Enough said.

6.    Follow the Leader: if the people you manage are snarky and not living up to their potential, there’s only one reason—you. Own it and do something about it. Either hire better people or learn to manage more effectively—or both.

7.    Deal with Reality: Now, the harsh reality is, that if you’re not in charge, there’s not a lot you can do to turn a negative environment into a positive one. You can only change how you deal with the situation and feel about it. And, the other harsh reality is that sooner or later the situation is probably going to go bad on you. Either you’ll get beaten down until you’re just like the rest of the sad drones or they’ll get enough of your cheery disposition and you’ll be asked to move on.

8.    Own Your Power of Choice: So, if you truly are slowly sinking in the muck and don’t see a way out (it is, after all, a job!) take responsibility for your choices. If you choose to stay, get clear on what you can change, what you can’t, what you’re willing to do and what you’re not and make peace with the situation. You can choose to be happy. And a good start to that is…

9.    Stop Complaining and Start Being Grateful: Stop whining about how awful your job and/or company is and start being grateful that you have an income. Once you start appreciating what you have, you may find the situation isn’t as bad as you thought. But if it is...

10.Move On: The best time to find another job is while you still have one. So before your cheery disposition goes further south—or the muck suckers get fed up with your sunny optimism and send you down the road—start discretely taking care of your business and yourself. Find a place that you fit with and that you can make a positive contribution to.

In short, be true to yourself, take personal responsibility for yourself and your life, and make choices that bring you joy!

 

Paula Renaye is a certified professional life coach, motivational speaker and trainer, regression hypnosis practitioner, award-winning author and consultant. Her latest book, The Hardline Self Help Handbook, has been called "a tough-love Chicken Soup for the Soul with a do-it-yourself roadmap for getting unstuck." Visit www.hardlineselfhelp.com for more practical tips on living healthy and happy in all areas of life. The book is also available at http://www.amazon.com

and on Kindle.

Comments

[Paula Renaye]

It's hard to take that first look in the mirror, but it is the only way to make changes--you can change something you refuse to see.

My best friend used to say to me: You are where you want to be. It infuriated me! How dare she say that! I most certainly was not where I wanted to be! Yes, well, the truth is, if I really wanted my life to be different, it would be.

As Holly says, yes, things are a bit tight right now, but for the right mindset, the market is also wide open. If you are the innovator--the one who is bringing new ideas and solutions to the problems--the doors will always be open.

Go for it!

[Yvonne]

No matter what the situation. Hardline Self Help Handbook is a great way to move forward.

[Ashley Baxter]

Such good points! It's easy to fall victim to the whole negativity game and constantly bantering back and forth about all the things are wrong. I'd say that's my biggest weakness.

[Paula Renaye]

Thank you all for the great comments!

I do have a bit of news to share as well. Hardline just won another award! That's three so far. I am truly honored and absolutely thrilled! I posted a little about it on the blog. Honestly, there are a zillion self help books out there and to be recognized like this is absolutely amazing and humbling.

From your comments, I can tell that you are savvy about taking charge of your lives, but if you know someone who could benefit from the book, please recommend it. Thank you!

[Mark Wellman]

We all have a mind and can choose what thoughts we accept or reject. Further, we can choose who we associate with or who we do not. I was a "water cooler gossiper" for many years and foud that it was bringing me down and creating stress on myself. I change my thinking and people I associated with and began to see improvements in my attitude and career.

Mark

[Rocky]

Hi Paula, i am agreeing with you on some of the points that we have:our own choices and actions. If you make a choice in your life you must follow it with an action. If the action got you further ahead then stick to what you did. If it did not help, say to yourself - I tried that way and that did not work, i must keep trying ways to make it work. So go with your heart and mind tell you and not what others tell you to say.

[Eddie Gonzalez]

If you're not happy there. Then find another job where you can be at easy and content. This will be easier than trying to change people's attitude.

[Paula Renaye]

These are some great comments! I love it when we can all share tips and get tips!

Ultimately, the bottom line really is that you have to love and respect yourself and decide for yourself what's right for you and what isn't.

And just a tiny personal note: if you haven't heard, The Hardline Self Help Handbook just WON the Global eBook Award for Self Help. It's also won finalist awards from The National Indie Excellence and Readers Favorite Book Awards. I'm am really thrilled!

[Heather Bronte]

I SOO need this book! My attitude at work stinks because it seems no one gives me credit for all the hard work I do there. Everyone deserves to feel better, even me. This is a much needed self help book.