Male vs. Female Communication Style and Project Management

The following is a true story...

A very successful marketing guru was on a plane to London to meet with his newest client.  He had worked with another client in the same industry and done an extremely brilliant and successful ad campaign that was the envy of the industry.

His plane was late getting in, and when he got to the company's boardroom, the meeting was already in progress.

A big bear of a guy, he flung open the doors, marched in and announced, "Whatever you're working on, whatever ideas you're discussing - they suck.  Your ideas suck.   You don't have an F-ing clue what you're doing.  I'm here to save you."

He turned to a woman who had been talking when he walked in.  He asked her what she was talking about.  She presented her idea.  He told her it sucked and boomed, "You're fired."   She dissolved into tears.

True story.   Sound a little far fetched?  I've seen lesser versions of this happen more often than I care to remember. 

I'll never forget when I was working freelance with an advertising agency - a one man shop.  Our client had hired his agency to work with them.  They had previously done all their advertising in-house.  He was taking over the advertising efforts.  I was going to project manage the creative, working with some of their in house team.   

Same thing - he marched into the meeting room - announced that their previous advertising efforts sucked, that they obvious didn't know what the hell they were doing, and that he was going to come in and single-handedly save the company.

Now - from a male communication style - if you are dealing with a senior executive or a company owner, it is good to convey confidence.  I can see senior executives and managers hearing "you suck" and thinking -

"well, if we're that bad, then there must be huge potential to the upside.  We can make all sorts of money if our previous efforts were that bad and did OK."

There is this whole male hierarchical thing.  I see guys posturing for dominance.   It's interesting to watch.   And, in many cases, it seems to be effective.

But here's where the problem comes in.   Project management and teamwork often requires more of a female communication style.  A "let's work together, support each other, all pitch in to be successful" line of reasoning.

So, imagine me- sitting there after Mr. Ad Guy has just come in and cut the balls off of everyone in the room -male and female.  He walks out of the room with the company head to go somewhere and talk numbers or drink martinis.

I'm left alone with the team.  They hate me.  I am the enemy.   They want me dead.

Yet it is now my job to rally this group to work with me to execute an amazing new marketing campaign.   They would not help me execute zipping up my fly much less work their asses off to create an entirely new marketing campaign.   

They were heavily invested not in the success, but in the failure of the project.

Now, I was able to rally most of the team over to my side with camaraderie, flattery, and outright bribery.  (find out what they like to eat and drink and supply it in large amounts)  But one woman never got on board.   The project did OK, but ultimately didn't enjoy the success it should have.

It is not a coincidence that it was a woman who stubbornly refused to work with me.   Male communication style can piss off men, but it can really piss off women.   Guys might think "What an A-hole.  I wish I had the cajones to do that", while women may think, "What an A-hole.  I would never act like that."   

Have you ever worked on a project where there was one woman who just never bought in?  I bet you anything you did something to piss her off.  I bet your male communication style alienated her.    (NOTE - women use male communication style in the workplace as well - so the gender of the offender doesn't necessarily matter here)    (ooooh - I made a rhyme)

So what do you do?   If you are "selling" an individual or team on your services - use all the swagger you want to.  Call them names.  Tell them they suck.  They don't think you're actually saying "they" suck, your saying the work their team does sucks.   They hear "if we're that bad, than this new guy should be able to make us a boatload of money".   Terrific.

BUT - keep this meeting separate from your project management team kick off.   If you have to work with these people, a female communication style will be far more effective.  You can still point out problems - you don't have to sugar coat anything.  Chances are if they've brought you in - they know they need some kind of help.   But try phrasing the problems from the customer point of view.   

Instead of  - "you're marketing campaign sucks - you don't have any idea what you're doing.  you're a bunch of amateurs.   I have all the answers to fix everything."

try - "customers don't seem to be responding to your advertising - you're not talking about what they care about.  If we're going to fix this, we need to focus more on the customer point of view.  I have proven methodologies for doing just that."

I know, I know - some of you are looking at me and going "no one would really behave that way in a boardroom.  They wouldn't actually say those things."

Talk to anyone who's worked in the ad world.   Talk to anyone who's spent any time in an agency.   Talk to anyone who's ever done freelance work for these "one-man" or "one-woman" ad shops.    It happens.   My friend's true-life story brought it all back for me.   

If you're selling yourself - you have to walk the walk - be big bad and confident - amen to you.   Male communication style is highly respected in the corporate world.  But if you're in a teamwork, project management setting - consider the female communication style approach.   I've had huge success with it.   And fewer people want me dead. 

Comments

[Mary Schmidt]

Or, some combination of the two - depending on the person. For example I once had a young go-getter alpha male working for me. And, I gave him plenty of room since he would move heaven and earth to produce results. But, when he got into trouble (and of course he did), I'd pull him aside and say, "Now, Bob - You know I love you. But if you do that again, I'll have to beat you bloody."

It must have worked - 'cuz he did great work and never threatened to kill me (and was still calling me for advice after I left the company.)

[Gerry]

My daughter takes gender studies at the local university. Even though I’m in my 50's and I’m white - I can work with women, people with alternative gender identities, and all the colors that folks come in. You are describing an ASSHOLE. People like that have to be avoided and ultimately screw up very badly. Look at what happened to Conrad Black this week - he went to jail.
Anyways, what works for all kinds of working styles and egos is a great project management backbone. Use online software to keep everybody honest and on track. Also, robust enough to keep track of all the details and communicate them. There are a few of those out there that really stand out. We use and swear by Vertabase (http://www.vertabase.com). Try it and you will be better able to handle the blow hards by burying in details - which they will inevitably screw up.

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[Lee]

Interesting

[resume]

My daughter takes gender studies at the local university.

[Williams Sonoma]

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