Male Vs. Female Communication Styles

So this morning I was doing research on male vs. female communication styles and I got thinking about the Westminster Dog show. (stick with me here – I am going somewhere with this)  I wonder what happened back stage after they awarded Best in Show.

Did “Rufus” the Colored Bull Terrier put on a male athlete kind of status strut saying “yeah, you guys thought I couldn’t hang  - with this egg shaped face and squatty body.  In your face Mr. Popular Golden Retriever.  And Dalmatian – I may not be starring in any hit movies, but my mug’s going to be plastered on more magazines websites and publications than you can shake a tail at.   ‘Best in Show’ – that’s right – sniff my butt losers. Word.”

Or – did the Bull Terrier display more of a female communication style after winning – something a little closer to a Miss America Pageant.   “Hey – Dalmatian – nice showing.  Pug – us ‘so ugly we’re cute’ types need to hang together.  Let’s all go grab a bowl of water and some Milk Bones and Celebrate.  Butt sniffs all around.”

At the end of the day – both men and women (and perhaps even dogs) crave status.  Men and women can be equally competitive.  But the more I study communication styles the more I see the two sexes have a definite different approach.

Andrea Learned has a great post about the different communication styles and how it affects marketing.

While doing a little research for a presentation I'm about to deliver to the National Ski Area Association, I was inspired to dig back into Deborah Tannen's classic linguistic study of women and men in conversation, You Just Don't Understand

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She describes male-female conversation as "cross-cultural communication," and writes about how women may tend to "speak and hear a language of connection and intimacy," while men "speak and hear a language of status and independence."

You only have to look as far as auto advertising to see the prevalence of “status” communication styles.  One of my favorites is the TV commercial with the two trucks squaring off when one springs a leak and literally “pisses” on itself.  Definite male hierarchical status-based communication style.   

So where are the commercials for women who crave status in a vehicle?   Much fewer examples to choose from – but one particularly powerful commercial is for Hummer – the mother is dropping her son off at school – she asks if it’s ok to drop him off in front – he says yeah.  As the son walks through the crowd into school he’s instantly accepted as his peers remark on his cool ride.    A great example of conveying the status of owning a Hummer but in a more female communication style.   The emphasis is less on being “better than someone else” and more on the communal benefits of having a cool car.  

Auto makers – there’s an opportunity here to speak to the status seeking female.  Check out Andrea Learned’s post for more ideas on marketing in a more female communication style.

Comments

[Mary Schmidt]

I fell in love with Rufus at first look. And - hmmm - wonder how many men watched the show? Certainly not the guys who drive those big trucks (or maybe I'm wrong, there I go - making a profile assumption!)

While there are still dramatic differences between women and men when it comes to communications styles - I also think the lines are beginning to blur to the confusion of everyone, including the women and men themselves and the marketers trying to sell something to either group. As more of us femmes compete in the "Man's world" the more we take on male characteristics. (good and bad).

And, I'd like to think that most women realize just how ridiculous they look driving a Hummer - but I see more and more suburban Moms wheeling into the parking lots (now, if they'd just learn how to park the humongous things.)

So, bottom line - I think this is a moving target - and the niches are going to get increasingly specialized. Urban women, with rural background who grew up driving trucks, won a bronze in the 2004 Olympics half-pipe, have a MBA and now run the IT department, etc. etc. etc.

[Andrea Learned]

Oh my, yes.. automakers have a huge opportunity here to speak from connection rather than status, but it could take generations to change that. And, I *have* noticed the cleverness of Hummer's ads (now that you mention them, Holly), even though I'm otherwise not an SUV fan.

For more on heirarchy vs. connection in communication styles, you can also check out Sally Helgesen's classic "The Female Advantage," and Carol Gilligan's book, "A Different Voice."

The bonus of studying the male/female communication styles for business reasons is that the women and men reading our posts may also get some personal relationship communication tips along the way. That's what keeps it all interesting...

Thanks for the mention, Holly.