Soccer Moms Don't Exist

Soccer Moms Don’t Exist.   That’s my title and I’m sticking to it, though I really can’t quite pull off that argument.  You see, there are traits of soccer moms that DO exist.   There are mothers, there are mothers who drive minivans, there are mothers whose lives revolve around their kids, there are mothers who live in suburban homes.   

So why would I say something as ludicrous as “soccer moms don’t exist”?   Because “soccer mom” is a very dangerous stereotype.  Plus I am so sick of hearing about these supposed women who are everywhere!   If you believe what many marketers, companies, and even politicians believe, almost every woman between the age of 25 and 45 is a soccer mom.  They’ve taken one of the most diverse, dynamic, and complicated demographics that ever existed and boiled it down into one person – the soccer mom.   

Here’s the other problem I have with “soccer moms” – it’s not a particularly flattering portrait.   Honestly – when you think of soccer moms – do you think of her as intelligent?  Do you think of her as talented?  Do you think of her as business savvy?  Do you think of her as interesting?  Would you choose to talk to her at a cocktail party?  Would you want her to run your company?

Everyone’s a soccer mom

When companies create personas – often there is one female persona – and she is a soccer mom.   Just look at Best Buy’s “Jane”.    When I work with clients on creating personas, the word “soccer mom” is never used.  That term is banned.  Some of our personas may have soccer mom attributes, but none of them are labeled “soccer moms.”   Also – we almost never have just one female persona.  There are usually several.   

By giving your female customers the label soccer mom, all sorts of attributes are assigned to her because of that label that may or many not be true.   

Look at the Oprah episode where she featured a woman who said she loved her husband more than her children.  With further clarification, what she was really saying was that she put her husband first. But Holy Cow!   Many women were outraged.

“How dare she neglect her children – they always come first.” 

“Your children have needs – your husband has to understand that.” 

But more interesting were how many women said:

“Thank you! I don’t want to put my relationship with my husband on the back burner.” “You have to prioritize a romantic relationship with your husband or when your children leave, you’ll have nothing left.”

“I have to find a better balance in my life, but I feel guilty if I don’t put my children first.”   

What came out of this fascinating discussion was:  not all mothers are alike.  They have different feelings about their children and making them the center of their lives.  Yet the soccer mom stereotype perpetuates the feeling that all mothers’ lives revolve completely around their kids.  This is just one example of how women that may all look like soccer moms on the outside have very different feelings needs and motivations on the inside.

They cannot all be lumped into one group with one convenient label.

Talking down to soccer moms

The temptation when talking to soccer moms is to “dumb down” your message, especially if you’re talking about anything technical like electronics, or car repair, or home improvement.  There is a fine line between “simplifying” which is good, and providing clear explanations without a lot of technical jargon – and being condescending.   

It is easy to feel superior to soccer moms.  She might know more about how to get a stain out of a T-shirt, but you’re surely her intellectual superior, are you not?       

Just say no to soccer mom stereotypes

I don’t have to tell you, (especially you guys) that women are complicated creatures.  So please – if you don’t do it for me, do it for your bottom line – go beyond the soccer mom stereotype and get to know your female customers in all their diverse, dynamic, seemingly conflicting glory. They’ll thank you with their patronage of your business.

Comments

[Bisi Adepo-Bassey]

I trully agree with this view point. us women are all unique in our attributes and characteristics. I consider the "soccer mom" philosophy condescending. While I am a proud mom of two boys (who will probably end up loving soccer like their dad), I also consider myself a quick thinking, street smart, top notch business woman (amongst many things).

[Mary Schmidt]

I admit, when I hear the term "Soccer Mom" I think "brain dead woman who has sacrificed her career/life/brain to her children and never learned how to drive the mini-van/SVU - much less park it." Whew! Aside from being a horrendously long label - it's also grossly unfair. I know many women (and men) that organize their lives so they can attend soccer games, but they also work hard, enjoy their marriage, and have adult lives.

[Jinal Shah]

I second Mary's comment.

[Karen Barnes]

I just read a study that said only 2% of moms attended a soccer game last year...Amen. May the soccer mom stereotype rest in peace.

[Luis Andrade]

Soccer moms are alive and everywhere. Just pay attention at the scores of oblivious, aloof women that endanger everyone else on our roads behind the wheel of their 2-ton weapon.

[Nora]

I want to be a soccer mom!, I mean I want to play soccer myself....is so much fun!
Would not be great to train and play..great and fun way to keep on shape....but I can not find any league!

[Mike Eberle]

Aloha from Hawaii,

I cannot disagree more with your comments as I find them to be degrading and insensative and totally way off base.

We intend to honor the "soccer mom" not just here in Hawaii but nationally and internationally with a contest that will
recognize her for being what see is a caring loving, smart person, who takes care of her children and others to make sure they get to practice on time, have clean uniforms, have plenty of liquids to drink and yell like hell when they hit the ball and comfort them when they loose.

You give women a bad name.

[Holly Buchanan]

Mike,

moms should be celebrated for all the reasons you list. Nobody deserves more respect and appreciation than moms.

But the vast majority of women I talk to (and that's a LOT of women) feel the "soccer mom" label is not a label they want applied to them.

Let's loose the "soccer" and celbrate moms in all their diverse, wonderful, multi-faceted lives.

[Remy]

The soccer mom lives! I'm a manager at a walmart and I've been dealing with the soccer mom for over 10 years and I can tell you that the majority of what's said about them rings true based on my observations. The minivans, bratty kids, stressed out and under appreciated looks on their faces the frustration from having to multitask the same routines everyday. but what I can tell you is that growing up in a household with two busy professionals for parents I wish I my mom spent more time with me like that coming to all my games and just making more time for my brothers and I. That's why I can't understand why women get offended by the title.

[bola]

I'm sorry girls. "soccer" for women was invented in US. Americans laugh when somebody ask about a eagles female team or where is NFL for women? well, the real football ("soccer") is for man. If you girls want to play. That's fine with me. Go ahead. But it seems like a game UNDER WATER. The whole world (except some schartznegger women) know the beautiful game is for males. Look, "soccer" is the most democratic sport. Anybody play. But don't cry if nobody bother to watch women playing...we love you :)

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